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Friday, August 26, 2011

Stages Of Drunkenness


(1) Sober. You've had maybe one drink. Two, if your tolerance is okay. You feel perfectly normal. You are communicating in coherent sentences, and everyone can understand you.
Stop drinking here: You may go home or stay a while longer in this state. Your standard self-awareness means you don't embarrass yourself. You wake up perfectly fine the next morning.
Continue drinking: go to (2)

(2) Slightly Tipsy. You begin to slowly adopt lite-characteristics of the type of drunk you are. Did the music get louder??! Everything just got a little bit more exciting!! You are still understandable, just a bit EXCITED, and there is a bubbly feeling in your stomach, isn't it lovely?!
Stop drinking here: Dance, dance, dance, talk, shout, laugh. Sober up towards the end. Go home giggling and wake up feeling fine.
Continue drinking: go to (3)

(3) Tipsy. The bubbly feeling is rising and so is the intensity of your dance moves. You're not sure if your friends know how much you love them, so you should go tell every single one of them right now!! And hey - there's that guy in one of your classes you never speak to, maybe you should start by bounding up to him right now and saying hello, then talking a mile a minute. You'll surely be fast friends, OMG!
Stop drinking here: Be a ball of energy the whole night. Wake up fine. Maybe woozy, depending on the severity of your hangovers. You got home all by yourself but woke up your younger brother because you thought it'd be funny (it's not.) Oh shit, now that guy in your class has befriended you on Facebook. He thinks you'refriends now!
Continue drinking: go to (4)

(4) Drunk. Can't focus on one thIng??? You - where are your frends? Ugh, who cares, their dicks anyway. (Author Note: Intentional misuse of their.) Find some new randomzZ and dance with them and make friends yeah friends... Hey, they're pretty cute HIT ON THEM, get their number. Use your chaAaAarm. Your type of drunk may seriously come into play here. You are a freaking LEGEND and you should high-five yourself. DON'T WANT TO GO HOME YETTT??.$
Stop drinking here: Ignore those dicks telling you to go home because you're really drunk. You're having too much fun! Finally get shoved in a cab and go home. Talk to the cab driver the whole way, because you're "making conversation" because you're just sofucking friendly. Wake up in the morning feeling a bit woozy and maybe fairly embarrassed. Oh, is this a text from that person yesterday? Reply. Stalk their Facebook and oh my god they're fucking ugly.
Continue drinking: go to (5)

(5) Wasted. YEAAAA THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT EVA!!!!!!!1 SO TIRED BUT I DON'T WANNA STOP KEEP ON GOIN I FEEL SO WARM MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE SEVERAL ARTICLES OF CLOTHING OFF??
Stop drinking here: Wake up in the morning with no recollection of how you got home or into bed even. If you were in bed. Maybe you passed out on the doorstep, or on the bathroom floor. What the fuck, you swear you had another $100 in your wallet? And where the fuck are your pants?
Continue drinking: go to (6)

(6) Fucked Off Your Face. jgJFISYHSF??323@#&^!^ ^#@(&!$ &(!%$^^^ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop drinking here: Wake up and you feel like shit but you don't remember anything.You might wake up still drunk. Go back to bed and stay there the whole day. Wear dark sunglasses if you have to leave the house. Tell everyone you have the hangover from hell.
Continue drinking: go to hospital.

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