And if the timing is right...

Today, I braved, (I say braved, it really wasn't that hard,) the sunlight and stepped out of the confines of my dim room and into the fresh air outside. All degrees aside - it was like, 11 celcius - it was sunny, which was an excuse for all them English to get all excited over this new weather phenomenon so rarely seen.



I was sitting in my room slaving over my essay, which is really a lie. This essay isn't due for another 3 weeks and I went to the library to do a little research and reading and ended up writing a stupid amount and now I have to cut it down because I've exceeded word count and I'm not really close to finishing content wise and oh my god I'm such a nerd sometimes.

So, um.

Lucinda and Kathryn came in with a proposition - no, that's exactly what they said. In fact:

Lucinda: Laura, we have a proposition for you.
Me: Wat
Lucinda: We're going to make oreo cupcakes
Kathryn: Then have a picnic outside!
Me: It's quite picnic weather
Lucinda: Isn't it?

And thus, an impromptu Tesco trip where we bought picnic foods and didn't make oreo cupcakes after all.


I fucking LOVE breadsticks, I'll have you know.








I seem to spend 90% of my time talking about it, so I will stop keep up the tradition by saying: changed my hair yet again, but will be probably maybe kind of not sure dyeing it back to one colour(!) in march. WHAT COLOUR YOU ASK? Mixture of carmine-mahogany. As in, in the middle. I don't know, man. Brown with pink.


I kinda look like a corpse. Like weirdly washed out pale sigh bad lighting sh.

Didn't go out Friday - even though it's normally tradition!!! - because no one else really was. And I'm broke, by the way. Instead, stayed in, mixed cocktails & played the David Attenborough drinking game, which of course got to the point where everyone was just making up rules. ('No Laura, not every time there's more than one creature on the screen...')

Next week instead!

I've reached the point where I'm searching for things to say in a vain attempt to fill this entry with something decently interesting, but I'm drawing at quite a blank. Therefore, I will stop here and start writing up my babble on last night's oscars instead!

Oops I did it again.

Title refers to

(1) The fact I wrote half a post then just left it and now it's just sitting there being silly.
(2) Britney's 2nd studio album.
(3) The whole plethora of my bad habits which I repeatedly partake in despite my own furious assertions to myself that I won't.
(4) Many other things, I'm sure, but I will cut short because I can no longer be bothered to think about this.

Well, apologies for my last dramatic post. I've been reading a lot lately, you see; devouring words like candy again has the effect of turning me into a wannabe psuedo-writer. Does this mean I'll be writing more fiction-type articles? Not really, I'm just trying to write better overall. (Including my essays. Definitely including my essays that I should really be doing right now but am not. Oh well.)
Speaking of which:

Found a cute lil' gem in my copy of Abundance of Katherines! Fellow nerdfighters, you do exist!

So, last night, (and the whole of yesterday really, but last night was the full celebration,) was Erika's birthday. I would work in chronological order so I'm actually going to go back and talk about the rest of the week first. I only mentioned last night here because of my overwhelming excitement to show my blog THE CAKE:


Looks better in real life. Still no idea how it tastes because we blew out the candles right before we left. When I say we, I mean Erika. I just meant that the rest of us partook in the activity via the watching/clapping/singing - (GEEZ, what a long winded explanation for something so simple!)


SO, worked Pop! not this week, but last. Went with the lovely Sophie and actually had a really good time - the music was good, the people were really friendly - and by really friendly I mean most let me take photos of them - and Sophie acted as my assistant. The costumes were most exciting that week - I knew it would be good when I saw the pokemon walking around.





Apart from that, I've had my reading week. I spent:

Monday) Sat in my room alone and... I'm not even sure what I did here, actually. Nothing productive, to be sure.

Tuesday) Spent valentine's day wandering around coventry. Meant to buy paper for my poster but after a series of fortunate events which means I bought myself a ridiculous amount of treats in the form of dvds and books, (happy valentine's day self! lots of love, self. I love me,) I was a little low on money and was lazy.

Wednesday) Went to (shock and horror here,) the learning grid with Lucinda. Wrote almost an entire essay which I had to scrap anyway because I'm a plonker and chose two really stupid scenes. I also sat in the learning grid on my phone and bought myself 4 more dvds and a book because I clearly have issues.

Thursday) Went shopping in Cov with Mikayla and Erika for birthday outfits. Was actually the loveliest day ever - I was given money by les parents, so I was able to buy a bunch of nice stuff, including a pair of shoes which I did not even wear yesterday and I'm glad because they're a tiny bit too big and really, really, high and the floor was ridiculously slippery. Had fried rice for lunch, then shopped 'til we'd gotten what we wanted and then we went to nandos where I, despite having just bought a relatively tight dress, stuffed my face regardless.

Friday) Spent the morning busy bakin' the CAKE, and also constructing a shoddy card because Tesco breaks my heart and doesn't stock A3 card. Spent most of the day faffing around and reading and then we finally got ready and headed out.

Was a really good night. I've been told not-so-great things about smack, but it exceeded my expectations by not being shit and actually being really fun. I don't, as usual, recall any of the music they played but I tell myself that's just because I don't know any of the music anyway, and not because I was overly drunk or - cough - distracted. In a series of strange events, I may have ended up watching first [Rec] then Horrible Bosses with Joe until around 7, (kindly keeping my next-door up, I may add...) and then I woke up again at 11 feeling (thank god for my alcohol breaking-down system or whatever it is,) fine and all fresh as per usual.

Some additional notes:

(1) Now it is a Saturday and I - I won't say I've wasted my whole day, but I haven't really done too much. I did, after all, get out of "bed" around 12 and faffed around cleaning my room and whatnot AS I DO. It feels like a Sunday. I cannot comprehend this day being a Saturday and I'm not sure why.

(2) I've dubbed myself too poor for vanilla vodka at the moment. Demoted to Tesco Value Vodka and bought juice to do mixers. Almost knocked myself out initially with a very strong screwdriver but I was pleasantly okay last night. Also got them cute little cans - a SoCo Lemonade and a Malibu coke and DAMN I am doing that again. Them cute little cans taste good.

(3) I should really be writing my essay now. I feel guilty. Okay, bye.

And With That;

so it ends.

Reasons To Smile

(I actually wrote this... quite a long time ago. I've been in a shitty mood all day and was checking my drafts on here when I came across it. How appropriate.) :)

For anyone who's ever felt shitty.

One of the givens of being a teenager is that you will undoubtedly have at least one "breakdown." In your head, a soft, acoustic soundtrack plays and you stare out the window with blurry tear-induced vision and you watch the rain fall, because of course it is raining. It's all very dramatic and, you think, definitely something out of a Neo-Realist drama. You are the tragic hero in the story of your life and everything is spinning out of your control. You question your existence and wonder why your life is so shitty and you will definitely think the phrase, 'It's not fair,' at least once.

Blame karma. Blame that you were born under an unlucky moon. Blame the boy who broke your heart, the girl who stole him from you, and the friends that didn't tell you. Blame your parents who don't understand. Blame the extra inches creeping around your waist and the increasing stack of 'to-write' essays. Blame first your broken laptop, and then blame the makers of the laptop. Blame everything but yourself. Get increasingly more upset as time passes; every small thing begins to annoy you and you think - no, you know, that you're never going to be happy again and you should just give up because everything sucks and did you mention that it's not fair?

You should smile. Smile because the moment will pass. It may be ten minutes or ten hours. It may be one tub of ice cream and a long nap later. It may be a year and girls' night outs and movies and plenty of you time. Eventually, things will start sucking less and less, until it is just maybe a vague embarrassing memory of that-time-you-lay-face-down-on-your-bed-because-Stephen-didn't-think-you-were-going-to-work-out.

Smile because you've come this far and done whatever much. It doesn't matter if you think you've messed everything up soooooooo bad and nothing will ever be okay again. Smile because you have the power to fix something; you will never have control over every aspect of the world, but there will always be an action you can take, even if it is just dragging your ass down to the mall to cheer yourself up. Smile because you can actually do something. Work those facial muscles and smile just because you bloody can.

Smile for everywhere you're going to go. You will go to your favourite places in your town. You will leave your town and travel the world. You will visit places you've only seen in pictures and pass by towns you've never even heard of. You will learn new things and customs. Smile for all the new food you will eat and you won't like all of it but that's okay.

Smile for everything to come. The classes you'll take, the people you'll meet. The arguments you'll get into. The people you'll fall in love with and the hours you'll spend entangled in each other's arms. The conversations that you'll never forget and the experiences you won't either.

Smile for all the experiences that did not, in fact, break you, but instead made you stronger.

900%

To make up for the last few posts which were quite text-heavy, this one shall be a spam of photos because someone is far too in love with her fisheye lens.

Yesterday was Chris's birthday, so we celebrated in style by suiting up (so for me, putting on a blazer,) and drinking and ordering curries! ~~!


AWWH, with Jordan :)


All classy in my top hat.




With birthday boy.




Me and Lucinda went for a moonlit stroll. We actually just randomly ran outside. No wonder I always get colds..



The party was cut short when our resident warden came out and told us to clean everything up and stop because we need to sign a form or something for it to be a party, which was lame.

It was still really fun and I managed to take quite a bit over 300 photos because I got a little bit too overexcited. Lots of giggling and girly chats and casual banter. Pretty much lost out on a pound because I was too weak to carry home 2 bottles of sprite. Disappointing.

February Air

FEBRUARY IS ALMOST UPON US! It seems as time just flies by when you're spending your nights debating philosophy and photo arrangement, or playing vodka pong and call of duty until your battered self-esteem can take no more of the confirmation that you're just awful.

Happy Chinese New Year (belated) to all those who celebrate (kinda rhymes...belate...celebrate...yes? no? okay, fine.) This was the first year I didn't get red packets which was heartbreaking devastating and my mind is failing to comprehend not suddenly having an increase in my funds this time of year... hence my ridiculous eBay and amazon shopping of the moment.

But I did pick up a new lens attachment:


I've wanted a fisheye for ages so I couldn't be happier. Bid on the official canon one but got into a bidding war, and after 10 minutes, I realised I wouldn't be able to handle another 4 days of it as I was already getting increasingly frustrated and wanted to slap my nemesis-bidee in the mouth very badly.

Last week has been good. Night out at Gatecrasher was good fun - although I spent a fair bit of it looking after others - and the whole week was.. same as usual really. I was mortified by my resident warden though - won't go into details, but the people who know what I'm talking about will know what I'm talking about and this is just here in case far in the future, I find it more funny than embarrassing.

Due to a dip in my funds as of late, (result of my ebay spree,) PLUS the fact that it's Chris's bday tonight, I foregoed going out last night in favour of having a chill night in. Beer pong - vodka pong for me cause i'm such a GIRL and I hate beer - and then plans were to watch the pokemon 2000 movie and play the pokemon drinking game which failed because I'd downloaded an awful copy, so we watched Gladiator - a poor choice because it's so damn long.

I made a wonderful omelette today and I'm just sharing that because I'm kitchen impaired and it was a glorious and momentus occasion and therefore should be marked down.

Will finish abruptly with a photo of the challenge I was faced with one morning when I was late to class:

Home (Double Identity)

Home is an apartment overlooking the sea. The winds are stronger and it's colder but that's all fine by me. This home is a large room with an ocean view and a careful colour scheme: red, brown and cream. The wonky top shelf - please don't fall down - and the lamp I bang my head on constantly. Sliding closet doors, (the right one always gets stuck a little,) and the windy walk down to the front door. The gas station opposite and the park down the road.

Home is an urban landscape with skyscrapers by the dozen. The constant presence and motion of people and I wonder where they're all going and what they're doing here. The constant buzz of traffic as vehicles of varying sizes and styles head in all directions carrying all sorts of people. Home is the multitude of shops and the overwhelming bombardment of advertisements everywhere. Home is a consumerist capital and if you walk slowly you'll fall behind.

Home is sitting in coffee shops with your friends. Walking around the streets and grabbing each other in an effort to not get swept away in the people-sea. Laughing at people in clubs and shouting over loud music in attempts to have your gossip-conversation right now. Finding grass and sitting in it just because it's so rare and lying down and then it goes everywhere but you don't mind.

---------------

Home is green grass and blue - sometimes grey - skies. Large fields and trees and grass and all that picturesque imagery that comes to mind when you think of nature, you know? Walking on an empty sidewalk with no one all around and seeing your breath as you inhale, exhale. Finding everything closed on a sunday morning and the emptiness that's all around simultaneously eerie and relaxing.

Home is a box room at the end of a corridor which is cleaned once, twice, three times a day. Fairylights - the ones by the window always fall down - light it up once it gets dark and the only space on the walls are gaps between pictures. This home is a visual clash of colour but you got over it a long time ago . The overspilling closet and the guitar in the corner which is strummed occasionally but carefully in case the neighbours overhear. Newspaper covered branches tower over a laptop where you sit writing your thoughts down.

Home is deliberately falling asleep in film screenings and whispering through them with your friends as you sit in YOUR designated row (2nd from back, always.) Sitting on other people's beds after you've made them or fighting over a good spot for a film. Sitting on the floor of the corridor with a crowd that multiplies and grows as people leave and join. Dancing around the kitchen when it's crowded and trying desperately not to scald or be scalded with a hot saucepan. Talking about philosophy and life and things so inconsequential and unimportant that they stand out more in your mind and become important.

Home is the inside of your head. Your thoughts fly free and derailed and your opinions are your own. Your transatlantic dreams and hopes and aspirations and your future is all mapped out in the vaguest of ways. Your ideas and your writings and your work space and all your thoughts which are so articulated and elegant in your head but just so awkward when they leave that safety net. This home is with you wherever you go.