Excitement of first week back has worn off and I've been reduced, yet again, to sitting - this time on my bed, as my damn pc has chosen not to work - on my bed on my blog whilst occasionally staring at the ceiling and wondering what I am doing with my life.
I constantly feel like I'm living two lives in two different continents littered with different people and there are the different interactions and the way I think I act different (although I don't really because I seem to be incapable of modifying my behaviour at all,) but damn, sometimes I have no idea how I spent 17 years of my life living here...
Point A: went out for lunch on Friday (fine. Very nice, actually,) which was Lizzy's last lunch here but jesus christ, the journey just to pick up something for my mom and go home almost sent me into one hell of an anxiety attack and left me slamming my bedroom door when I finally arrived home and proclaiming "NEVER LEAVING THIS HOUSE AGAIN GODDAMMITIHATEPEOPLEWHYARETHEYEVERYWHEREWHYAREBUSESDUMB and so on."
And now I've reached the point where my parents, exhausted of all my uni stories, (which went "it's fine." "I love it." "yeah." "mmhm,") have gone back to treating me exactly as they did before which is fine because special treatment is stupid but when every conversation seems to go like this:
M: Laura what are you doing later?
L: nothing.
M: Why?
L: I have no money. And I don't want to.
M: You always spend so much money! I gave you money yesterday! You always go out and spend our money etc etc etc
L: okay.
M: Why do you always spend your time at home though??? You should go out and socialise with your friends more!!!
L: ...
And so on. I mean okay - I do spend a ridiculous amount of money for someone who barely does anything - investigate: where does it go??? - but it just so happens I'm here for another 18 days and there's plenty of time and people who aren't even back yet so I'll have time for that. Just because I spent this weekend moping about the fact my PC's died on me, thus disallowing me to continue my Final Fantasy 7 streak and forcing me back from a blissful unreality into real life, they think i'm being anti-social. Whatever mom and dad, Cloud totally gets me.
Readers all simultaneously groan as they prepare for a full-frontal fangirling blog entry. IT'S COMING GUYS! I have lots to say and it needs to be organised and typed up properly. Have no fear!
So what, asides from moping over the fact I cannot temporarily interact and engage with a fictional storyline that I am far too emotionally invested in, HAVE I been doing lately? Um I could say that I've traveled the world and invented a lightsaber and sponsored 5 children and discovered the recipe for Mrs. Field's cookies but all of those would blatantly be a lie and no one would believe me and this whole sentence is really just a waste of internet space isn't it. I've played a lot of draw something and read. Gone through:
(1) Will Grayson, Will Grayson - John Green & David Levithan.
(2) Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist - David Levithan & Rachel Cohn (This is beginning to look like writers word association oops.)
(3) Speak - Laurie Halse Anderson
(4) A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
STARTING (5) Prom - Laurie Halse Anderson.
Guys... I really love books wow. My parents, whilst I was growing up, always said to me that they'd always be fine with buying me books. I think they've always regretted it because if given the opportunity, I will just have stacks and stacks and be ridiculously happy. Nothing like having a pile of books to just sit and read through.
I'm such a hermit, geez.
I'm so lost with where I was even going with this blog entry. I guess it's less about events and just random thinking because I've gotten used to just clicking on here and writing new post even when nothing happens in my life. Which is often because I don't do a lot of significant stuff but that's cool. This was really heading in the direction of being a complaining blog but today when I went for a long walk - felt like being all deep and poetic and listening to music and flouncing around the peak - I've decided complaining is dumb because it's all I do and I never do anything about it, and thus, I got home and actually oiled my stupid door hinge and now it opens properly without hitting me in the face and check this: that's already one daily complaint I've knocked off the list. Score!
Other people are back this week which means i'll probably have to do something. Game of Thrones season 2 is out tomorrow which means I'm not doing anything tomorrow at least. I'm still not sure why I'm writing this and would delete it but I think I'll just keep it for further reference. Maybe if i'm bored I'll come back and edit book reviews it. Bye.
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