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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

5 Main (Notable) Differences Between Now and Not-Now

Very vague title. Not-now refers to anytime that is not now. 'Now,' as in not exactly-this-moment, but this period of time. Yes, all my article-type things of the moment all concern university. it's a big change - girl in the city plopped down in the middle of the countryside; it's very Mike, Lu & Og (anyone?) -esque except I'm not on an Island and they didn't appear to do anything except for throw coconuts at each other, and I kinda had a choice in my coming here to be honest. It's not really very Mike, Lu & Og is it?

(1) The lack of common everyday household objects.
When you do your own grocery shopping for the first time, you will of course, forget things. You will go out and buy those things and forget more things and inevitably this just builds up in a big ball of forgotten things and you'll never fully be complete. Restocking things is a pain in the ass too. Lemme just grab a tiss-
fuck.

You will remember that pack of hair pins or your apple juice just as you're halfway back from the supermarket and you will pause. You will hover on the spot as you face a metaphorical fork in the road; do you shamefully turn back and face the humiliation as you meekly slide over your box of pads or condoms or contagious foot fungus cream* - it's always the awkward thing, isn't it? "Can't forget those, can we now?" Winks the cashier and you want to crawl in a hole and die. Or, do you just say, Fuck it, and continue on knowing very well that you'll be hating yourself later. Or making your friends hate you as you scrounge off them yet again.

(*Just an example that I used in trying to be funny. I swear I don't have contagious foot fungus. Ew.
)

(2) Leaves. And walking on grass in general.
We don't get the cute Autumn leaves in Hong Kong. And even if we do, they are promptly swept away by the many road cleaners or they fall on the grass which we don't walk on. If, in the urban jungle that is Hong Kong, there is nice grass, it will be decoratively accompanied by a "Please Do Not Walk On The Grass" sign.

Walking over grass still feels funny.
Why, I ponder, are there none of them cute little fences that discourage you from mingling with nature here? Why is it so soft and dense and not yellow and um, I can't even see the Earth. Like, as in soil. Not the world. I clearly think far too much about grass.

(3) Transport.
I haven't been missing "home" too much, (asides from my one desperate 'FUCK I NEED A 7-11 SO BAD RIGHT NOW,) but I'm really missing the convenience. My first trip to Leamington, I dared to step on a proper England bus, and the following exchange took place:

Me: Hi. How do I um, pay?
Driver: Where are you going?
Me: (wtf why is he asking where I'm going?) Um, Leamington.
Driver: Single or return?
Me: Um, no.
Driver: What?
Me: What?
Driver: Are you coming back?
Me: I hope so.
Driver: Do you want a return then?
Me: Um...nah it's okay.
Driver: ... okay. That'll be £2.10, just grab a ticket.
Me: oh my god a ticket.

Whilst it looks lengthy, I assure you it was less than a minute of one of the most awkward exchanges i'd ever had. Thank god.
The simple dump-your-money-in approach is way more down my street. Plus the flagging down mini-buses when you see one, (and when they can stop.) There are, luckily, a lot more buses than I'd thought, although not as frequent. I haven't even ventured into, or
looked at, a train station.

(4) Self-Checkouts.
My actual favourite thing about this Country. Not going to lie; everytime I walk past them, I cannot stop a fond smile creeping across my face as I glance at the machines that I consider to be amongst my dearest of friends here. They allow me to avoid human interaction when doing my shopping. Real live friends don't do that.

For someone who just occasionally falls into a mood where I don't want to talk to anyone, these are a blessing. I don't have to awkwardly fumble around with money or accidentally attempt to pay with other currencies. I don't have to be judged by my weird-ass shopping lists. (This is someone who had a post-it shopping list consisting solely of 'Pliers' and 'Ice Cream.')

I could go on forever about how lovely they are. I'll spare you; I won't.

(5) "You alright?"
Apparently, "You alright?" (Or "yalright/alright/alrigh" etc.) is just a greeting in England. I hear it everyday. I smile and sometimes I say, "Yeah, you?" for reciprocity's sake. There was once, however, a time when I was not as suave and well-versed in English greetings. The very first time someone casually said that, (here I mean, not in general,) I stared at them with a look of pure confusion on my face - says they - and said something along the lines of, "Um yeah. Why, should I not be?"

Cause, for me, inquiring on someone's well-being - whilst polite - in this particular way, just sounded bizarre. I'm used to "How are you?s," and as a casual conversation starter. I'm making way too big a deal of these two words, I know. It still catches me off a little though.

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