Seven years.

(1) VII, You are decked in a brand new uniform and you live opposite your new school. You spend countless hours that summer looking out the window making up scenarios. You're in the same tutor group as the girls that you think are your friends. You laugh very loud and get a reputation for being super smart but you're really just good at making people think you are. You get into several petty fights with those girls but to you they're the end of the world and you convince yourself that your life is just as dramatic as all the tv shows you watch.

You want to change your look so you curl your hair and it looks awful and you feel stupid and people mock you, so you go home and write rude things and mean punishments in a bound notebook. You worry that someone will read your punishments so you throw your notebook in a hidey-hole you've discovered in the ceiling. You need to put a stool on your bed whenever you want to retrieve it.

You have plenty of school spirit and run for class council. You go to a few meetings and then get bored and stop going. No one cares. You suck at sports so you don't run or swim or participate in any of the interhouse activities but sometimes you go and support. You cheer loudly when it is announced your house wins the house cup at the end of the year.

(2) VIII, You turn up expecting something fresh and new. You get your new schedule. You analyse the new kids. This year, you will drift away from that group of girls and separate into forming a twosome with one of the other girls. She will continue to be your friend for a while and you are grateful for that.

You breeze through and enjoy year eight. In your mind now, it is just a mesh of the same-as-year-seven-but-a-year-later. You run for student council again and get it. You attend meetings but you're so shy and awkward so you normally just keep quiet.

(3) IX, You hear whispers of how this is the last easy year because of GCSEs next year and how you can slack off in subjects you're not doing next year. You delve into emo music and just about drown yourself in self apathy. This is the period you will look back on and laugh at the most. You dye your hair black black black like your soul and play guitar and write terrible, cliché songs. You convince yourself how life is so dark and difficult and you sit on your computer and complain. You refuse to go anywhere without a thick layer of eyeliner, a habit you will never quite drop.

(4) X, You become part of a group of girls you are convinced will be your friends for life. As time passes, you will come to care for only a few of them. On the other hand, you befriend someone unexpected who will become one of your closest friends ever. GCSEs have started and you come to find out what you're good at and what you're not. You mellow out a bit.

You discover anime and begin to play video games like never before. You become obsessed with escapism. You write stories constantly and visualize your imagination pouring out your skull like an unstoppable force. You are the oppressed artist stuck in the real world. You read the Harry Potter books back to back in a cycle in between pausing Final Fantasy VIII.

(5) XI, For some inexplicable reason, you begin to dip your feet in insanity. Your brain starts moving at 200mph and nothing else can keep it. You start to feel detached from everyone and everything and suddenly you are the outsider again. You do all your assignments but you have so many PLANS and IDEAS and not enough TIME. You sleep less and less and get a crazed look in your eyes that only you notice. You depress yourself because you will never SUCCEED because there isn't enough TIME and you're not GOOD enough to do everything you're MEANT to do and you HAVE to do. Your thoughts keep you up half the night.

This is a confusing year. You spend a lot of the time thinking to yourself. You take long, long walks and just ponder your life and your decisions and everything you've done so far. You stop talking to your friends as much. You inexplicably stop trusting people as much and start to pride yourself in closing off. You resolve to never cry again.

(6) XII, You start IB and you love the change. You dress brightly and try to act overly positive. It doesn't work too well. This is the year you really stop caring and stop trying to please people. You develop a 'fuck everything' mentality that you will later keep with you. You develop a strong distaste for your whole school and year and become convinced you are above everyone else. You are still awkward and shy and terrible in social situations.

You apply to be first a prefect, and then a head prefect. You get the position of head prefect. You tell your parents at the dinner table and they smile politely. Your first year is relatively easy. You like most of your subjects and you make other friends outside of school who's company you like a lot more than a lot of your school friends. You do graphics in the school's fashion show. You opt not to go to the dinner dance and stay at home and play video games instead.

(7) XIII, You are so close and you need to leave. You cannot stop thinking about the future and the idea of reinvention stresses you out and you try it again and again but you're just too yourself. You become obsessed with life and death everything in between and you can't stop thinking again. Your brain begins to run ahead and nothing can keep up. You never lost that feeling of detachment and it comes on stronger than ever.

You become so tired all the time and just want everything over and done with. You become a bit of a misanthrope and spend all your time complaining. You do your exams and you're just so tired and you can't be fucked to revise but you do and suddenly it's over and you have no attachment to the school and you leave everything behind.

You write about your experiences and they don't seem like you but you remember bits and pieces and the finish was so long ago and the start even longer. And now you wait for your results and you wait for the next part.