Summertime Sadness

I literally feel as if I have been kidnapped by my own parents. I’d been told, Thursday was the day we were going to Wales. Therefore, I made the assumption I’d be picked up Thursday to go after having my stuff taken back Wednesday. Long story made short, after my dad flipped out at me for having “so much crap,” I was told I was going to stay at my gran’s that night and that I wasn’t coming back.

It feels weird. I’m being melodramatic (as per usual,) but despite my minor tantrum earlier, it still hasn’t totally sunk in that I’ve left the room and Knightcote and living on campus. That’s it, guys, DONE. Never again will I haunt the green-carpeted, yellow-walled corridors on the way to my room. Never again will I sit bathtub-style in the comfy chairs in the common room chit-chatting about absolute nothings with my hallmates – okay, it sounds like I really have a physical attachment to the place. I assure you, it’s far more emotional.

It’s just – it’s been a long three terms and so much has happened. There’ve been high ups and low downs but overall, it may have been the best year of my life. This has been such a life-changing experience and I’m so glad that there are still another two years to go.

Didn’t actually get to find out my results because of lack of time. Great. To be fair though, I’m not even really caring about anything.

I guess the main thing that’s really irking me is that I wasn’t able to say goodbye properly to a lot of people. I’d left people’s stuff out so I could return it and say goodbye, but with my parents tapping their feet at the door, they were a bit rushed. It was really when Kathryn looked like she was about to cry that I really got myself worked up.  After leaving bits and pieces around for people who weren’t in, I hurriedly returned my keys and then went outside with the last of  my stuff. Was just about to get into the car when I saw Joe, Jacob & Jake walking back from Jin’s so at least I was able to say a very quick bye after I just went “I’M LEAVING NOW.” (Luckily I was with Joe earlier in the day – we’d made plans to get coffee after I’d dropped my stuff off at my gran’s but obviously it turned out I wasn’t even coming back.

Since then, went for dinner with Portia, downloaded bad music and lay in bed feeling sorry for myself. Thought everyone was ignoring my texts but it turns out my gran’s house has the worst network ever and upon going outside, received about 12 in one go.

So this was really just a rant; off to Wales today for the wedding and for just a bit longer before we head back here. I’m too exhausted to work out how I feel. This is so weird.

I’ll update properly again at some point.

Post-Exams

Well well well, my last exam is over and there goes with it the need to work and apparently my ability to think coherently and do stuff. It's the end of my first year of uni. This is a strange concept. This may take a while to get used to.

As I do, I've spent the last few hours just going through old blog posts and pictures from the beginning of the year. Okay, two months were spent on holiday but it's been a ridiculous year. I've done and been through so much new and weird shit. This year has been the biggest upheaval; I've flown across the world to go study in a new environment and live with a bunch of strangers I've now luckily (for the most part,) come to love. When I was sitting around at home moping last summer, I occupied my time and bored little self by imagining what it'd be like. It's certainly been very different to how I thought it'd be, but I've still loved (most of) it.

Exams: not going to go over them because it bores me to tears. I've sat through them once I don't need to fucking relive them. All I'll say is that I seriously manage to put the pro in procrastination and that our TOMI exam screwed us all over. Seriously - the minute we were allowed to turn our papers over, there was just this sad ten minute space where all the film students stared in despair at the questions. Karl, why would you do that to us?

Celebrated finishing our first year (!!!) by drinking almost immediately and continuing into the night. This resulted in a fuzzy night and lack of memory (bless you camera... even though I barely remember past photo freaking twenty,) but basically yeah. Erryone got wastaaaaad. (Except the people who hadn't finished exams oops.)

 

LUCAS BEING A CLASS FUCKING ACT AS USUAL :')

 

 

Rachel hadn't finished her exams but it was her birthday so THAT WAS FINE.

 

 

 

Okay, let's just clarify something here: I never get hangovers usually, but come Thursday morning I had my first hangover from fucking hell. IT WAS AWFUL OKAY, I'M NOT BEING MY OVERDRAMATIC SELF AND MAKING A MASSIVE DEAL OUT OF SOMETHING NOT-SO-BAD IT WAS LIKE SATAN HIMSELF HAD CRAWLED INSIDE ME AND WAS JUST DESTROYING ME RELENTLESSLY FROM THE INSIDE - GOD, that is a weird simile, wow I'm sorry I won't do that again.

So I complained all day (only thing I managed to do because everything else was so much EFFORT - including lying down - but for some reason I could complain okay SAYS A LOT ABOUT ME,) and then finally started functioning again around 7. I also 'quit drinking alcohol forever,' until about 10pm that night when I was completely fine and decided to go out again to Smack that night. #poorwillpower.

AND then of course LAST night (Friday!) was Evolve which was good because everyone had properly finished then so yay drunkentimes again. I'm actually not an alcoholic oh my god, my blog is making me look bad.

 

 

 

(And then I wonder why no one wants to sit near me on buses - #1 camwhore)

Yesterday was actually brilliant and they played good music and it was cute people and we're out again tonight. I think I'm actually going to write out a nice ~reflection of my first year at uni~ in between this entry and the next (sentence made redundant because if I do it'll actually be the next entry and thus this doesn't make sense...) so it seems like I do stuff other than take photos of myself when I'm out. Not that I really do.

On a final note: for someone who can barely handle freaking caffeine, i've been drinking a ridiculous amount of mountain dew and then I get the caffeine shakes and start having existential crises and then hate myself. These days have been weird.

Million Dollar Man

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I DID IT AGAIN. Don't blame me, blame my hallmates/friends for distracting me whilst I blog because I've gone and written half a post and just left it and now I have more to update on top of that. SIGH. Here's the first bit eh, I'll just continue on I guess!

Okay, so I do this thing a lot. I write very ambiguous statements about things that I am feeling and post them because I am either too (a) lazy or (b) introverted to actually write out proper, like, you know, thoughts and stuff on here.

Let's say: this feels like nostalgia. This "England summer" feels like a time I knew before. I am waiting for the same things and doing the same things and it all feels the same but it's not and it's weird and whilst it's nice it creeps me out a little and i'm so nervous and damn, this is one long-ass run on sentence.

Anyway; rest of the "summer" has gone by beautifully, only to end in today's rain, just as I buy a ton of summer clothes - hello HK government money, finally! We can start with the beginning continuing as it did in the last blog.

We had a chill night out during the nice summery bit - of course, at the time of the writing of this blog entry a.k.a a million years later - where I brought out my duvet and we all chilled on the glass and drank cider and had a cute day!

 

 

And then the day after or something like that - all those days seemed to have kind of merged into one big happy day now - we had a big film bbq! (DISPOSABLE BBQS ARE REAL GUYS, THEY WORK, THEY'RE SO COOL!) This ended up with us cracking open the cider the minute we sat down (so four in the afternoon,) and then having delicious foods and lovely company. We also took a dip in the skanky-looking bluebell lake and whilst I think I may have gotten a disease from it, it was refreshing as hell, so whatever.

Forever a hipster.

  

There was also some football and frisbee and 'GET DOWN MR. PRESIDENT' whereupon James, who wasn't even informed of the game, was chosen victim.

  

Photographic evidence right here.

  

JJ found a trolley in the lake so the guys - after their skinny dip - went shopping a bit.

  

  

GOD, I FORGOT ABOUT THAT MAJESTIC DRINK UNTIL I SAW THIS PHOTO. Less than £2 for a woo woo in a bottle. So good. Drained that shit.

  

  

Infiltration of the film bbq by Megan and Lucas cos they're cute.

Apart from that, it'd been revising in the sun. My productive streak was obviously too good to be true because it reached the point where my attention broke, and since i'm a selfish brat, because I wasn't allowed to concentrate, no one else was allowed to either and we just ended up pouring water on each other.

So apart from that, the weather's gone back to shit again and everyone's hermitting away. My first exam is on Thursday - theatre, it WOULD be theatre - and I've had so many almost-panic attacks already. Exam stress, ugh.

The weekend though saw me near London as it was my cousin's hen do - brilliant timing - so I went down on Friday for the weekend festivities. I'm going to list the events because it'll just be neater:

(1) Cracked open the champagne at breakfast, 10am.

(2) Started to drink/get ready at 1pm.

(3) Got on bus, met people, 3pm.

(4) Ice bar:

  

DRINKS SERVED IN GIANT ICE CUBES. So cool. (Literally BA DUM TSS) and fruity cocktails, god, they were nice.

(5) Went to loop to watch - I kid you not - a male strip show. Awkward would be a bit of an understatement considering I was with my cousin and my AUNT who's related to my dad, wow that was weird. It was, safe to say, absolutely ridiculous and innappropriate: 

 

YES, THE STRAWS.

The show was exactly as it sounds. Imagine a film portrayal of a tacky and hilarious strip show with blatantly gay men. Exactly that. Can't say I'm not a bit scarred though.

(6)  After the show it was just a standard club night of dancing and songs. Was so tired that I sobered up. Feel asleep on the bus on the way home.

 

Was meant to come back to uni Monday but I left Sunday - despite my parent's annoyance at how fucking expensive it was PLUS the more difficult journey - for numerous reasons, not limited to the fact I have my exams soon and I'm an anti-social brat who can't be around people - no matter how lovely they were - for TOO long.

Since then, I've sat in my room and complained about work and made a shit ton of coffee BECAUSE I BOUGHT A COFFEE MAKER. BEST INVESTMENT EVER. I also got cream and sweetner and chocolate powder and set up a table starbucks and now I can make mochas. God, it's so cool.

 

My room permanently smells of coffee now though. I quite like it, but I feel like perhaps it's contributing to the spiral of insanity I am quite clearly falling down upon at this time.

I should probably sleep more.